“You should write a blog. You should write a blog. You should write a blog.” People have been telling me this for some time now and I always pause and think to myself, “like, when?” Do they say it because I have 5 kids and they think this chick must have some crazy sh** to reveal? If I did write a blog, I always thought it would be titled, “Things That I Can’t Believe I Just Said”. Things like, “How did blood get all over this wall?” and “Who put this booger here?” But since it’s the 1 year anniversary of my Big Jump named Blue Sky Endurance, I thought it would be fitting to finally write a blog. I can’t say when I’ll write another one, but here goes. I’d like to title this one, “Descending”.
The idea of owning something of my own someday had been bouncing around in my head for a long time and wouldn’t leave me alone. Then a series of big life moments and that YouTube video of Steve Harvey asking people for once in their life to “just jump”. I think I watched that video at least 20 times. Mr. Harvey articulated exactly where I was, standing on the edge of the cliff watching others soar. He cautioned that my parachute wouldn’t open right away after I jumped. That I’d get cuts and bruises on the way down, but that eventually my parachute would open, that God wasn’t going to let me fall. I’ve definitely jumped and I’m descending, some days rapidly, some days almost like a feather floating down, but definitely descending. No, my parachute hasn’t opened yet and yes, I’ve gotten some cuts and bruises, just like he predicted, but to quote Oprah, “I know this much is true”:
Before the Big Jump, this was something I didn’t realize I had so little of -- Confidence. You see this word everywhere and it’s used so nonchalantly, as if it should come naturally, as if you should be able to summon it upon demand, just like that. *snap* There it is. You go girl! Believe in yourself! But alas, it’s not there. You scrape and search for a shred to blaze forward as you swan dive off that cliff. But should it really be there just because they say so? If I wear this t-shirt that says so or put on this make up will it happen? Or is it something that is earned, like most things in life?
I have found that authentic confidence comes through the willingness to just try. It comes through getting yourself to take action even when you don’t believe in yourself. And as you push yourself to try, then the belief starts to come and you start to see what might be possible, that God really isn’t going to let you fall. And as you start to believe, that is when the confidence sets in. This past year, I have pushed myself so hard to just try that now I believe I can figure out almost anything that comes my way. To me, that is authentic Confidence.
I see it every day in the men and women that walk into the result of my Big Leap, Blue Sky. Some own their confidence, some pretend to own it and most are searching for it -- that authentic confidence. And I get it. I look up and I see the ones still standing on the edge of the cliff and looking down or standing a safe distance back, coasting safely in cruise control through life.
As I continue to push myself, I also look up at the cliff and I encourage people to just try. Push yourself to try whatever that thing is in your life that won’t leave your brain. It’s bouncing around up there for a reason. It wants you to at least try it. It is okay if you don’t believe right away, eventually you will, but you have to at least tri ;)